Bearing my Heart

Out of my devestation this week came an overwhelming amount of peace. Now it has taken awhile to get to this place but I have made it. This past weekend I had my time of yelling at God and asking Him WHY!!! I shed many tears and fought off depression but through the grace of God I have come out on the other side.

God all ready knew that this would happen and he placed a special lady in my life to help me through. Now don't get me wrong our friends have been the best during this time and without them as well we wouldn't have made it. But there was one special lady that spoke truth to me. She let me vent, be angry with God and then she put me in my place. Of course she did it out of love. But I needed her and God used her to speak to me. She asked me a few very tough questions and those were: "Have you given your desire to have children completely over to God? Have you laid your desire at the foot of the cross and walked away from it? And finally Are you able to tell God whatever the outcome I will still serve you?" My response to her was this: "You know Shawn asked me these very questions a few months ago and my reply to him was that I was not ready to give that up to God because I was afraid of what His answer to me would be." She then told me you know what you need to do Lay it down and walk away and out of that God will bless you.

She stressed to me that if I did not leave my burden at the cross then God could not truely bless me. The more that I hold onto my burden the more trials I am going to go through because is trying to teach me to just trust Him. She also encouraged me to be like Hannah. God belseed her bearaness and her faithfulness with Samuel and look what kind of man Samuel turned out to be.

So this week I have been prayering and seeking the face of God in this matter. I have finally laid down my desire to have children at His feet and I have walked away. I know that God's plans are better than I could even begin to imagine for me. He sees the whole picture and I see just a tiny puzzle piece. So I know I just need to trust him.

Some of the passages that I have clinged to our now my foundation for this new season of life that I am in. They are:
2 Peter 1:3 "His divine power has given us EVERYTHING we NEED for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

1 Peter 4:12-19 "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. (13) But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. (14) If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. (15) If you suffer, it should be not as a murderer or thief or an other kind of criminal or even as a meddler. (16) However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear the name. (19) So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."

1 Peter 5:6 &10 (6) "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. (10) And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."

So there is my heart laid out. I want to thank everyone for their prayers. I have felt them and needed them. I rest in the fact that I know God has great plans for Shawn and I. I can't wait to see His plan unfold.